It is truly ironic because I went "to learn." That was my only purpose. But I quickly found that I resented being in classes I did not want to be in. As soon as I found a subject I wanted to study and was fascinated by all the other classes seemed to be a distraction from it. I resented any class I thought wasn't taught well enough, or that the teacher didn't seem knowledgeable enough on the subject. So there was a great deal of resentment floating around, resentment that cut off my receptivity to actually learning and sometimes even understanding what they were saying.
What was worse was that I was very proud of how intelligent I believed myself to be and because I was also very introverted that made it unthinkable to me to ask anyone for help with anything. I had a final project, for example, that I failed to turn in because I couldn't get it to work after a great many hours (30plus) of trying. So instead of getting help with it I gave up... I didn't think I was going to pass the class anyway.... Turns out I would have passed if I had turned in what I had done... But it was actually impossible... unthinkable to me to ask or even to seek help on a project or in this case software that was confusing me.
So the dream was that I was taking classes with one of my brothers at a local college, and one of our classes was in a big out door auditorium. Most of the dream was about weird random conflicts with my brothers, and odd conversations I don't remember. When I finally got around to starting class and focusing on what the teacher was saying, he kept trying to teach us this old proverb.
It didn't make any sense to me. It was something like The crystal of knowledge lies in the sky and is illuminated in its time... I think it was a variation of one I learned in yoga teacher training: Mani Padme Hum: The jewel of consciousness lies at the lotus's center. That one didn't mean anything to me either.
So one day in the middle of class the teacher is talking to us about this proverb, and we had been wrestling with it for several days. We had stadium style seating on the side of a hill and could see some ways into the distance. The teacher was most of the way up the hill, and there I was arguing with him. I kept saying that what he was saying didn't really mean anything. I just know we were instructed to treat this proverb like we were on a treasure hunt and this "crystal" was the treasure we were looking for.
I was picking it apart, "what was this crystal, how could it be in the sky, why would it be illuminated... etc."
Suddenly, the sun hit the campus at the right angle and the entire campus was reflected in a mirage off in the distance. It was really beautiful, and everyone had this eureka moment.
We realized we were looking at ourselves. The treasure/crystal of knowledge arose out of our ability to see ourselves, and to examine a clear reflection of ourselves and thereby obtain self knowledge.
Moreover, we had to be in the right place, at the right time, and in the right frame of mind to see the mirage and thus find the "crystal of knowledge" we were looking for. It was like the dream was saying that sometimes you have to not only be present, but be receptive, to allow your mind to be changed in order to see and recognize the wisdom being offered.
I suppose I am making statements of the obvious. Still we had to be there to understand, we had to be actively seeking to understand at the right moment or it would have been just another sunset... perhaps a nice effect, but not a eureka.
It makes me think that maybe every class, every teacher, every subject just might have some jewel/crystal in it that I have to find. Some little or perhaps big speck of knowledge that will change how I look at things. Something that will change my perspective.
What I suspect is that I won't know what I am looking for, but will be trying instead to figure out how to look, and how to be receptive just in case said knowledge is staring me in the face.
0 comments:
Post a Comment